Goon Squads

Staying on course

A neighbor and I left for the golf course about 6am one Saturday morning.  The early start means a return before our families are even awake.  It also means we miss the morning news.  Somewhere about the 11th hole,  we were informed by our concerned wives there was a bandh. 

The Signature 18th Green

The Clubhouse is a well disguised trailer.
(Photo courtesy JPRaguso)

A bandh is a general strike with the specific aim to shut down the city.  Whatever group or political party that calls for the bandh sends out their 'goon squads' to block traffic,  shut down businesses, close schools and throw stones. Occasionally,  they overturn busses and set cars afire.   They are out to ruin everyones' day.   

We finished our golf round, headed home and found the road blocked.  Nobody was getting through.   So much for a few quick holes and back home.   Fearing a stone throwing mob, the safest thing to do was to sit tight and play another 18 holes.  First we had to stock up on food -- before the other golfers finish and realize they're stuck too.  We had a nice lunch and then the worst happened -- we got word the roadblock was lifted and we could go home. 

Where Ikea when you need it ? 

We have amassed enough books, knick knacks and electronics to warrant bookshelves.  The usual furniture showrooms didn't have what we wanted, so we headed to the local furniture market.   They sell wholesale furniture and can also make custom pieces.  You even get to haggle a little bit -- it's fun. 

Not seeing what we wanted,  we left a deposit with a furniture shop to make a couple bookcases.  Two weeks and many phone calls later,  there were no shelves.  Unhappy about the whole thing, Javeed,  our savvy driver, called the Corporator.  The Corporator is like a city councilman with henchmen.  It's not clear if the henchmen are a prerequisite for the job or if they come with the office,  but these are the basis for the goon squads mentioned above.  

Javeed returned to furniture shop along with the Corporator.  Once they saw the Corporator,  they quickly returned the deposit money and apologized.  The Corporator told them they still needed to make and deliver the shelves in 2 days.  Another week passed and still no shelves.  Hearing the news from Javeed,  the Corporator and his squad headed over to the furniture shop,  got the money and threw all their furniture in the street for good measure.  Like a temporary eviction over a couple of $30 bookshelves. 

Javeed wasn't there for the "eviction",  but returned the next day.  They sat him down,  got him some tea and asked his forgiveness on their knees.  Really.  

The Creeps

Life in India is generally a pleasure.   It's been something of a vacation (for me).    I do admit there have been more than a few times when I've longed for the good ol' USA.  The next few blogs will relate to this topic. 

Winter is pleasant here.  Weather is like southern California.  The last rain was early December and temperatures range from 80's in the day and 50's at night.  That's as cold as it ever gets.  The absence of freezing is a boon to the insect community.  They keep on growing until eaten by something bigger.  

While in Sri Lanka, I grabbed a towel from the clothesline and slung it over my shoulder.   The Giant Centipede that was in the towel was now crawling underneath my shirt and up my spine.  Animal instinct (the creeps) took over,  and I whipped off my shirt to reveal the beast which had luckily fallen to the bedroom floor.  Becky says it was 8" long,  but it looked 2 feet at the time.  Her first instinct was to call everyone to our room,  "hey everybody, look what was crawling inside Doug's shirt." 

Giant Centipede:

Insectus Surprizus

I have new respect for hanging laundry. 

Police Report

Javeed,  our driver,  and I filed a police report at the local police station.  Once the sub-inspector and detectives heard our complaint,  they left us for a few minutes to shuffle some paperwork.  Javeed leaned over and calmly said,  “Now they will arrest Sudha (our maid),  throw her in Jail and beat her with a ruler.”  

The burly Sub Inspector of Bangalore.
His detectives have even bigger mustaches.

In retrospect I might have asked,  “Just how big is the ruler?”  At the time, I was caught off guard.  In the US,  these detectives would  have been the starting linebackers on any high school football team.   These detectives were not selected just for their brains.   I had to make it very clear that I didn’t want any human rights violations just because we're missing some jewelry.  After all,  we weren’t positive if it was Sudha or the electricians who stole Becky’s ring and necklace.   In any event,  we were told that getting the the police involved often makes the goods “reappear”. 

The detectives loaded into our car and came back to the house.  The crime scene was thoroughly inspected for evidence.   We retired to the living room and Sudha made us some tea.  She espoused innocence as they politely questioned her.   I tried to offer the Detectives a few hundred rupees for their trouble,  but they refused.  (I was later told they didn’t want to take money from a foreigner because if the jewelry did “reappear”,  I’d want the money back.  They would have taken a good bottle of wine though.)

The very next morning,  some missing cosmetics returned.  They had been used by someone with a much darker complexion than Becky.  We thought,  “The Police scared Sudha.  She returned it.  Doesn’t mean she took the jewelry,  but maybe something else will show up.”  That’s all that showed -- until Christmas time.   Sudha told us she had a dream the necklace was returned.  Three days later,  Becky found it in her purse.  We are very thankful she returned it and will allow extra credit for the foreshadowing,  but could you be more stupid ? A couple days later,  we discovered $120 missing from my mother-in-law’s purse.  

Sudha: looking for new work

Now I have to make my bed and my own dinner.  Lucky for the family,  I have mastered 5 different meals : grilled chicken,  grilled burgers, hamburger helper, leftovers and frozen leftovers from when we had a cook.  I give it 3 weeks before I’m sacked.